Counter

I read this article about a writing exercise called ‘morning pages’. I thought it would be a good idea to implement it. My mind races at night and I feel that is when I’m most creative. But, I want to train myself to switch my creative peak from night to morning – or at least when I wake up.

I’m currently on an anti-depressant that helps me sleep, it’s called Remeron. With the help of my doctor we figured out which dosage suited my needs better. A 15mg dose makes me sleep for 12+ hours. A 30mg dose decreases my required number hours of sleep to 9. So far, I have been waking up around the same time, regardless of what time I go to bed. I usually wake up around 10a – 11a. I already know that in order to get up earlier you must go to bed earlier. I work a night job and I usually get off around 11:30p – 12:00a. My commute is about 20 to 30 minutes. So by the time I get home it’s 12:00a – 12:30a. When I get home I clean my pet chinchilla’s cage and I let him out to play for about an hour. Around this time I am hungry as well. I should really fix my eating schedule, it’s really messed up.

I have been recently diagnosed with ADHD – who doesn’t have it these days (that’s how I feel)? I am on Strattera. It’s nice because it counters Remeron as far as appetite goes. Remeron makes me eat a lot, I’ve actually gained weight back because of it. Into the fourth day of the Strattera starter pack, my appetite has decreased. I was wondering why I didn’t feel like eating at all. I didn’t even feel hungry. When I got home I had to eat something even if I didn’t feel like it. All I ate yesterday was a fast food meal (burgers, fries, soda, snack sized ice cream).

July is almost over and I haven’t progressed at all on my research. August is almost here and I’m supposed to have finished my data collecting over the summer. I’ve been working at my part time job a lot. I think I’m pulling almost 40 hours a week. I was struggling with how many hours of sleep I needed.

It’s just frustrating that ‘I’m so busy’, when in reality all I’m really saying is: I don’t know how to manage my life. That’s the truth of it. I sat down at a cafe last week Sunday, planning out my week. Besides work, I didn’t get to do most of what I scheduled. I figure that 30 minutes of time allotted would equate to three pages worth of writing. I type faster than I write anyway and I want to use this old laptop more often. I barely use it. I finally have it set up where I can sit and use my laptop, so it’s a waste that I don’t.

I guess I should write out what my goals are, even though I feel as if I have written them a hundred times.

Short term goals:
– Finish my data collection
– Write the introduction and materials and methods of my thesis
– Write an entry a day for my blog
– Use my bullet journal daily
– Sleep consistently
– Exercise at least 60 minutes per day
– Not to rush!

Long term goals:
– Graduate with my MS Spring 2018
– Lose weight
– Be happy
– Manage time better

I haven’t taken my ADHD medication so I am somewhat restless. I keep getting up or I keep attending to other things. I tend to pause and either stare at other things or fidget with something else. In fact at this moment I just realized I started twitching my foot while writing. 8 minutes and a half left. I should have silenced my phone too. I was about to check my phone but instead I put it on do not disturb.

I have learned that there’s no need to rush to check messages or calls. There’s no need to rush to check your email. There’s no need to rush to watch the next episode. It will be there whether or not you check it now or later. I’ve also learned that you don’t need to rush to respond to someone (I mean of course this doesn’t apply to medical circumstances). If someone calls you when you’re not available, there’s no need to call right away, call them when you’re free. If someone messages you when you’re not available, you don’t need to read their message, you don’t need to respond right at that moment. In a way, I miss the old days when we weren’t so connected. How in order to communicate with someone who lived far away, you could only write letters. Or in order to catch up with your friends you had to physically be together or plan a time and place in order for you to share things with one another. Even telephoning, you had to be at your house in order to receive a phone call. You were talking in real time and you couldn’t do anything really, unless you had those really long curly phone lines or a cordless phone.

I miss the days of analog when people spent time with people, rather than their mobile devices. I’m not anti-tech, I love technology. I just find it so heartbreaking that I can’t connect with others in person. Instead, “send me a text”. I despise apps that allow others to keep up to date with your life, depending on what you post. I want people to ask me how I’ve been, what I’m up to, what my plans are. To ask me to have lunch, to have coffee, to catch up, to live a moment, an afternoon, an evening with me.

I just want that personal connection that you can’t get with a mobile device.

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