It’s been awhile. I’ve gotten into a skin care routine. I never imagined that I would enjoy it. My skincare routine is one part of my day that I genuinely look forward to. I’ve been off from my part-time job for the past several days – it has truly become a part-time job. I am scheduled to work three days a week. The semester will be starting soon and I can anticipate that the load will be heavy. I didn’t do too well last year. I will do better this year.

I miss the formalities of dating. I miss looking forward to meeting someone in person, someone you are attracted to. I miss the calls, the text messages, and the little surprises that come with dating. I miss being able to hold someone’s hand, embrace them, kiss them. I just miss the intimacies of being in a relationship with someone. I don’t know if it’s the medication I’m on but my libido has drastically decreased. I’m not interested in sex as much as I used to. My ex-boyfriend would’ve been happy with that, he didn’t have a very high libido. I’ve been reminiscing about the lovers I have had in the past, not too often but when there is something that reminds me of them. I just loved the way they made me laugh.

I met a girl, cashier at a store, and there was just something about her that attracted me to her. I don’t know if it was her smile or her eyes. She looked to be a genuinely nice person. She was a little clumsy and a little dorky handling my items at the register, I felt so attracted to her. Something inside me wanted to connect with her. I could see her being my friend. If I bump into her enough, maybe I will ask her to coffee or something. I’m not too sure what people do these days to become friends. Usually asking anyone out gives the wrong idea.

These days I feel out of touch with my partner. I think it’s just the distance. Sometimes I feel like I should see other people. I don’t know, I just feel so stagnant. I feel so bored.

I wish I could push myself to be like the fictional characters that I look up to so much. I’m just not excited about the tedious work that comes before the success. I need to shake that feeling of instant gratification.

I know I can graduate this school year. I believe in myself.


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